Monday, 24 December 2012

Episode 13: A New Beginning

In the last episode of Brandon's Dickens and ITSM fueled fantasy he met Ian Clayton, the Ghost of ITSM Future and was sacked by the CEO. There is, of course, no connection between these two events. Now read on...

"TO BE HONEST I WAS EXPECTING YOU TO BE A LITTLE MORE DISAPPOINTED, AND PERHAPS JUST A LITTLE BIT SHOCKED"

"You are forgetting that I'm an ex-auditor"

"AH YES, AUDITORS"

(For those who haven't yet got it the character of the Ghost owes much to Terry Pratchett's anthropomorphic personification of Death, who ALWAYS TALKS IN CAPITALS and doesn't really get on with the Auditors)

"So first of all I'm rational enough to know that this is still a dream sequence in which all my anxieties about taking over the role of CIO of a dysfunctional IT organization are playing out "

"THAT IS GOOD. SEPARATING THE FANTASY FROM THE REALITY IS A RARE SKILL IN THE ITSM WORLD. IT WILL SERVE YOU WELL"

"Probably not quite as well as my second point, which is that being the ex Chief Internal Auditor I know where all the bodies are buried, and might even have stood at the graveside and passed Hans the shovel on a few occasions. So I know he wouldn't really sack me when he could just promote me. Again."

"CYNICISM WILL ALSO SERVE YOU WELL, BUT NOT AS WELL AS SKEPTICISM OR  AT THE MOMENT, THE CARDBOARD BOX I MENTIONED"

"Referring you back to my point that this is a fantasy I think we can dispense with the cardboard box. Especially since in reality I spent most of the weekend lugging them around moving office. Also, by the way, if your constant references to the cardboard box are a feeble attempt to set up a punchline about 'out of the box thinking' then I can do without it"

The Ghost looked slightly crestfallen.

"ACTUALLY I WAS GOING TO SHOW YOU MY FAVOURITE SCIENCE BASED CONJURING TRICK. IT IS QUITE A WELL KNOWN ONE BUT I SUBSTITUTE A SERVICE CATALOGUE FOR AN ACTUAL CAT ON THE BASIS NO ONE KNOWS WHETHER ONE OF THOSE REALLY EXISTS OR NOT EITHER"

"Anyway, I've read my Dickens so I'm guessing this is only a possible version of the future, not the inevitable one. So rather than packing up and giving up I want to learn from it. First of all can you show me how this is impacting other people?"

"I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. LET US BEGIN WITH THE BUSINESS"

 --------

Afterwards both the Ghost and Brandon agreed that probably hadn't been the best idea. The party to celebrate the demise of IT was still in full swing when they left.

"ARE YOU NOT CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO THE REST OF YOUR CAREER NOW?"

"I have to say that I am a little curious, though also a little fearful....."

--------
"WELL THAT WASN'T WHAT I WAS EXPECTING!"

"No, it turned out rather well for me didn't it? A partnership at that management consultancy firm, the start up cloud based service management tool company, the brilliant moment where Hans approached me asking for a job...."

"YES, OK, YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT"

"But what about my people? What about my team, what happened to them?"
-------

They stood outside the building and watched them leave. Not only the IT staff but even the ITIL Imps came skulking out of the lower basement . It struck Brandon that in daylight some of the imps actually looked quite Elvish.

Initially he was quite surprised to see Dmitri, the Head of Development, and Maarten, the Head of Security leaving the building along with the others. They and their teams had always been the survivors, adept at ensuring the blame always landed in someone else's in box.

As if reading his thoughts the Ghost spoke

"THEY NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT HANS COULD ALWAYS SEE THROUGH THEIR POLITICAL GAMES. HE NEVER CARED FOR ALL THE INTERNAL SQUABBLING WITHIN IT."

Next came Jake, the young techie Brandon had met only that morning. Brandon noticed he was carrying one of the largest cardboard boxes, stuffed in roughly equal measure with manuals and sci-fi memorabilia.

"Where's Richard, the Service Desk Manager?"

"HE'S IN A BAR DISCUSSING HOW IT WAS EVERY BODIES FAULT EXCEPT HIS. MOSTLY IT WAS YOUR'S, APPARANTLY"

"And what about Kelly, I don't see her here at all"

In a blink they were back in the Service Desk area. It was deserted. Where Kelly normally sat there was just a dusty abandoned headset lying forlornly against a blank screen.

"I've seen enough. Is there somewhere I can go to find out how to stop this all happening? Somewhere where...."

----------

"Hi Brandon"

"SOMEWHERE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME?"

They were in a piano bar. It could have been any time of day or night, which was the first clue Brandon got that they were in Vegas.  The  person who'd just greeted him by name was the piano player, though he didn't look like your typical piano player and the Scottish accent was unexpected. He was playing a cover version of Sarah Vaughan's 'What's so bad about IT' which Brandon thought a touch insensitive.

They were sat in a circle of empty chairs. A second man walked up to them, sat down and said

"Hey Brandon, Älä kuuntele kaikkea tuota hullua ITIL juttua."

This, thought Brandon, is going to be interesting.....



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