Sunday, 23 December 2012

Episode 12: The Ghost of ITSM Future

A quick recap, because after all it is exactly a year since the last chapter appeared. I've been busy, so get over it. Brandon Lane CIO fell asleep whilst waiting for his first Monday morning team meeting, and has been visited in turn by Ivor Evans, the Ghost of ITSM Past and Jimbofin, the Ghost of ITSM Present. Now, as he finds himself in the office of an increasingly irate CEO with Wysiwyg, the ITSM Imp,a third ghost has appeared; that of ITSM Future or Ian Clayton as he is otherwise known.

Now read on,:

"Oh ghost of ITSM future, I fear you most of all" Declared Brandon, in what he himself would admit was an overly melodramatic tone.

"AND SO YOU SHOULD. THE GHOSTS OF ITSM PAST AND PRESENT HAD NO POWER TO HARM YOU BUT THE FUTURE HAS"

Pause for a beat

"BUT IF IT IS ANY CONSOLATION THIS WON'T TAKE LONG"

"But will it be painful?"

"NO, NOT AT ALL. IN FACT I MIGHT FEEL A SLIGHT PLEASANT SENSATION OF I TOLD YOU SO BUT OTHER THAN THAT I'LL FEEL NO PAIN AT ALL. OH SORRY I MISUNDERSTOOD YOU. YES IT WILL BE."

By now Wysiwyg had transferred his attention from Han's to the new ghost and was busy trying to prod him instead. The Ghost  bent down and picked the imp up by the scruff of the neck.

"SO WE MEET AGAIN WYSIWYG, BUT NOT FOR LONG YOU MISCHIEVOUS IMP FOR I COMMAND YOU BY THE POWER OF THE MIGHTY USMBOK TO BE GONE."

Where there should have been a dreadful shriek and a flash of lightning leaving behind nothing but a foul smell there was nothing, apart from the foul smell that lingered like references to ITIL v3 over a year after the release of 2011 Edition.

"Hello," said Wysiwyg "It seems I'm still here."

"WILL YOU NEVER UNLEARN THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS AND STOP TORMENTING MY PEOPLE WITH YOUR SUB-OPTIMAL, UNPRACTICAL, UNLEAN AND EVIDENTIALLY LACKING HERESIES?"

"Nope, why change a winning strategy?"

Actions, it is said, speak louder than words. This particular action on the part of the Ghost of ITSM Future involved an elegant drop-kick that propelled Wyswig out of the window without having the chance to open it first.

"NOW, TO BUSINESS...."

Hans stood rubbing his ankles where Wysiwyg had been stabbing him and survyed the room. Since Wysiwyg was an intangible being the window was still intact  and the Ghost of ITSM Future being a figment of Brandon's imagination  the main thing Hans found to survey was Brandon.

"IT is a complete and utter mess in this organisation. You keep asking us to invest in new technologies and new ways of running IT but the end result always seems to be the same.  Well from now on things are going to be different. From now on we will be investing in technologies directly, and doing things differently ourselves. I've just been meeting with the management consultants and we've agreed the new IT strategy is to move everything to the Cloud."

Hans, The Ghost and Jimbofin pronounced in unison the holy words that mention of the Cloud required:

"Whatever that means"

"What it means, Brandon, is that you are fired."

"THERE, I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T TAKE LONG. DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU FIND A CARDBOARD BOX?"

(to be continued....?)




No comments:

Post a comment